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    The Toxicity of Comparison

    July 12, 2017

    “Soon, very soon,” I’d tell myself every time I’d scroll through Instagram.  Friends studying abroad posted glamorous photos of their travels in places all over the world from England to Greece.  My cluttered desk with a plastic bag of dirt underneath (don’t ask) along with stray Cheerios that hadn’t made it to the trash can reminded me that my life is far from Insta-perfect.  But I knew I’d be leaving for France soon, and adventures were just waiting for me across the Pond.

    And it’s true; I’ve experienced many adventures.  But many have been more like riding a rollercoaster without a safety strap instead of a leisurely, nonchalant carousel ride.  No one could have ever prepared me for my summer in France.  And I’m going to let you in on a little secret: that toxic comparison monster hasn’t disappeared.Carnon Plage Mediterranean Sea Montpellier France

    Scrolling through social media, I see my friends also traveling abroad with giant smiles on their faces framed by a beautiful backdrop.  I see my French apartment (still messy) with no air-conditioning and a fly problem (ew ew EW).  Even posts from my friends working back in America in a less-than-exciting small city make me crave home intensely.

    I am living in the south of France and want nothing more than a burrito bowl from Chipotle, an elliptical workout and some darn A/C.  Can someone please explain this to me?!  It’s honestly so tempting to count down the days till I leave for Europe, which makes me so ashamed.  I’m a travel blogger and am also pursuing fluency in French, but I’m missing my town in the good ole Midwest.Processed with VSCO with a5 preset

    Homesickness is a normal, healthy response, but I’ve found many of my woes stem from comparison.  I see my friends living in Japan for the summer who, despite not knowing the language, still report being inspired; they love the city and are so excited for the summer.  I think about my journal fat with hard days and prayers for strength to simply get through the day.

    I see exotic weekend trips from friends studying abroad with cute captions and perfect lighting.  I’ve all but abandoned Snapchat stories because the Wifi is rough here.  Plus, Snapchat stories don’t play much of a part in French culture.  And to be honest, many parts of my day aren’t very photogenic.  A vacation may average 300+ photos a day, but I’m living abroad—emphasis on the living.  Nobody cares about the madeleines I bought last week; their banal plastic packaging is less than thrilling.  Nobody is losing sleep over the fact that I didn’t post a photo from the time I spent in the office last week; it would be me in my headphones on my laptop.  My pulp-free orange juice is the generic brand, and heaps of clothes sit on my closet shelves.  So exciting, I know.Peyrou Montpellier France French

    Tweet: “I’m going to let you in on a little secret: that toxic comparison monster hasn’t disappeared abroad in France.” #realtalk #travel #abroad

    Adjusting to a new culture is hard stuff, friends—especially if you’re doing it alone.  And even more so, if you’re constantly looking at everyone else’s lives.  I’m not quitting social media, but I chose to step back for those first few weeks.

    But I’m going to miss out on life!!  Get over it.  First off, it’s not true.  Is it truly essential that you’re aware your sort-of friend from anthropology last semester went on a weekend hike?  Second, keep in touch with the people you’re closest to, and you won’t miss out.  I call my best friend and family on a weekly basis, so I’m updated on their lives and they’re updated on mine.  Plus, social media often doesn’t tell the whole story, so I think you’ll survive.

    The first several weeks in France were hard, and comparison made it harder.  My friends in Japan may be adjusting well, and that’s awesome!  But they’re in a different country with a different group and a different schedule.  One is neither better nor worse, easier nor harder; simply different.  Taking a step back from social media can help, but avoiding all contact is difficult and probably not the best way to deal with it.  Processed with VSCO with a5 preset

    When those toxic thoughts of comparison begin to plague your thoughts, stop.  Because there’s always something to complain or be sad about.  (If you don’t have anything, I’m happy to send you some of mine!)  Journal about what’s hard, and remember that you and, more importantly, your experiences are unique.  Comparison isn’t helping anyone; it’s only making your life more burdensome.  When you focus on trying to portray yourself in an unrealistic light, you’re missing reality and the experiences in those moments.  It’s in the times of pain and difficulty that we discover more about ourselves, people and places around us.  Say goodbye to toxic comparison so you can truly indulge in the adventures awaiting you even if they’re some bumps along the way.

    Bises,

    Kristin

    {How do you handle toxic thoughts of comparison?}

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    13 Comments

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    Comments

    1. the mountains are calling says

      July 12, 2017 at 11:12 am

      This was so relatable! I have also recently cut down on my social media because of how it affects my mood. I cant quit cold turkey, but Im trying my best to not compare myself! Keep doing you girl!

      Reply
      • roundtriptravel says

        July 13, 2017 at 12:52 am

        Thank you so much for the read and for sharing your heart! Comparison sucks the life out of us and makes life harder. But even just knowing this can help us ready ourselves to fight this feeling. Thanks a bunch and happy traveling!

        Reply
    2. Rosie says

      July 13, 2017 at 1:47 am

      I’m definitely guilty of comparing my life to others’, but I try to keep in mind that social media only tells part of the story – the part we want others to know about. When I was living in France, exciting things fell by the wayside a little during term time, and I’m pretty sure the incessant building work from my neighbours, frustrating emails and banking dilemmas weren’t what my friends had in mind when they thought of life in France! Life goes on, wherever you are in the world – and it’s up to us to make the most of our lot.

      Reply
      • roundtriptravel says

        July 17, 2017 at 3:36 pm

        Ugh yes Rosie yes! There’s so many daily things like grocery shopping and banking and phone contracts that are much more difficult than we ever anticipated. Eyes up because we are getting stronger each and every day 🙂 Happy travels!

        Reply
        • Rosie says

          July 17, 2017 at 4:12 pm

          Grocery shopping in France was a recipe for confusion at times! I was often left wondering why supermarkets a) often sold mouldy fruit and/ or veg, and b) displayed prices different to those that showed up at the till. The menial, everyday tasks are lessons in endurance 🙂

    3. Chris Campbell says

      July 31, 2017 at 11:41 am

      Comparison is truly the thief of joy. It takes work at remaining present. Grab anything by Eckhart Tolle and you will find being present where you are is made easier reading his words. I’m living abroad in Canada, recently on my own, and his books have been a great resource for appreciation for where you are and what you’re doing. Forget the past, do not focus on the future, just be present.

      Loved this piece by the way 🙂

      Reply
      • roundtriptravel says

        July 31, 2017 at 12:34 pm

        Hi Chris! Thank you so much for your encouragement and recommendation. Hope you’re finding some sun amidst the shadows and finding your way (and maple syrup)! Happy summer!

        Reply

    Trackbacks

    1. Round Trip Roundup: DECEMBER – round trip says:
      December 31, 2017 at 8:45 am

      […] a strong advocate for #RealTalk, and several of my posts talked about just that—like when I found the one little monster that followed me all the way to Europe.  And why living abroad isn’t always glamorous. […]

      Reply
    2. Learning to Celebrate How Far You’ve Come – round trip says:
      May 2, 2018 at 11:00 am

      […] think about how lonely and unglamorous that summer was at times.  It was a difficult summer, but I did it.  I found healthy ways to cope […]

      Reply
    3. Round Trip Roundup: JULY – round trip says:
      July 31, 2018 at 11:05 am

      […] advisories, going to workout classes, doing my internship and decorating my house.  Compared to last summer spent in France, this summer looks dull on paper, but to be honest, this summer is entirely better than last. […]

      Reply
    4. Flight, not Fight: An Essay on Fear – round trip says:
      December 5, 2018 at 9:33 am

      […] bury anything forever. It always comes back; it always, always does. I remember thinking that a summer in France would be the dream, and although I experienced several of the most cherished days of my existence and learned some […]

      Reply
    5. Round Trip Roundup: JUNE – round trip says:
      June 30, 2019 at 2:29 pm

      […] like to think I learn from my mistakes. We all do, right? After spending a summer in France, I realized I could’ve been more aggressive on the making friends front. That might be weird […]

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    6. 5 Ways to Fight Homesickness – round trip says:
      January 30, 2020 at 5:55 pm

      […] my joy to all of my Snapchat followers that my parents were O-U-T-T-A here!  Anticipating a summer abroad, I didn’t think three months across the Pond would make me crave the boring old Midwest, but my, […]

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    Hi, I'm Kristin. I'm a content creator living and working in southern France. You can find me planning my next weekend trip, sharing my best expat trips and sipping iced coffee.
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